Want to know about democracy in Pakistan? Ask Arsalan Iftikhar. That’s what Laura Ingraham did. Want to know why Muslims do not rise in mass to condemn terrorism? Ask Eric Vickers. That’s what Bill O’Reilly did. Don’t waste time on the Spencers and the Bostoms, go right to the horse’s mouth, to the font of all knowledge, ask the one-eyed camel, get clued in. They won’t always be there.

Iftikhar was legal counsel for CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations). He is now a contributing editor to Islamica Magazine. He knows all about democracy, free speech and the First Amendment. Sure, sure he does—the first is un-Islamic, there’s too much of the second and the third should be reinterpreted. CAIR has sued Paul Harvey, anti-CAIR’s Andrew Whitehead, US Congressman Cass Ballenger (R-NC), Doctor Ruth, the National Review, Attorney General John Ashcroft and Michael Savage among others for exercising their First Amendment rights. CAIR hasn’t sued FOX.

Vickers was executive director of the American Muslim Council (AMC). He is a civil rights lawyer and an activist. His detractors call him an Islamist. He said the 2003 Columbia space shuttle disaster was divine intervention against the United States. Allah works in mysterious ways. A civil rights lawyer might not be expected to know that but an Islamist would. The earthquake that struck northwest Iran in 1990 took 35,000 lives and the trembler that hit Bam the day after Christmas in 2003 took 15,000. Was it divine intervention or was Mother Nature to blame? Certainly Allah could have prevented those disasters had he wanted. The Tsunami took 150,000 lives in 2005. Like most God-slingers, Vickers cares little about details.

In the run-up to the Iraq War, he attacked President George W. Bush on religious grounds. “In invoking God to be with American soldiers in our approaching war with Iraq,” he said, “what the President did not say is that he is calling on God to kill innocent Iraqi children.” Saddam Hussein killed thousands of innocent Iraqi children and tens of thousands of innocent adults in the decades preceding the Iraq War and Vickers said little or nothing. During the ‘80s and ‘90s, Sudan’s Mad Mullahs turned the Sudanese landscape red with the blood of tens of thousands of innocent children and hundreds of thousands of innocent adults. Most of them were Christians and animists and if Vickers shed a tear it was not on FOX or YOU TUBE. Yet O’Reilly called Vickers one of the ‘Good Guys.’

Laura Ingraham did not go that far. But Arsalan Iftikhar? What does he know about democracy in Pakistan…or in Iran…or in Saudi Barbaria…or in the United States…or anywhere? He may think democracy is un-Islamic but he couldn’t very well say so. What about the democratic movement in Pakistan? Is he for it? Is he against it? He didn’t say. The Three Stooges were closer to democracy than Pakistan has ever been. When the just martyred Benazir Bhutto was Prime Minister of Pakistan she conducted a brutal campaign against the Pandits in Kashmir. She was slightly more democratic than Benito Mussolini and a lot less than Jefferson Davis.

Iftikhar told Tucker Carlson of MSNBC that labeling Muslims as terrorists was the moral equivalency of saying, “that all Italians are part of the Mafia. All Irish are part of the IRA.” Moral equivalency? Where did he get that? From Jimmy Carter? The number of Italians actually belonging to the Mafia is miniscule and the number of Irish belonging to the IRA is not any greater but it can be assumed that all Muslims are Muslim otherwise they would be apostates; therefore terrorism is the cross all Muslims must bear whether they like it or not.

Iftikhar’s rhetoric is the moral equivalency of balderdash, but give him his due—he does writes extensively on religion. His articles have appeared in Islamica and in various magazines and newspaper. He promotes the Interfaith Alliance. “We revere Jesus as a great prophet and the messiah of God,” he wrote in the Providence Journal. “He is mentioned in the Quran 33 times. We equally revere the Virgin Mary as the mother of the Messiah.”

That may be true but the Qur’an also says that those who believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God or place faith in the Holy Trinity are Infidels and will suffer a painful doom. It is best to read the fine print before booking passage on the (Allah’s Ship of State) Interfaith Alliance.

O’Reilly and Ingraham treat Islamic propagandists like Iftikhar and Vickers with far more deference than they deserve—a deference they would never extend to David Duke or, say, Michael Savage. They should ask tougher questions. Where were you on the morning of 9/11? Have you ever owned a Kalashnikov? How much money have you contributed to the Holy Land Foundation? When was the last time you visited a Catholic church? If it is an Interfaith Alliance, why not hold some activities in a synagogue?

Non-Muslim America must be made aware that CAIR and AMC do not represent Islam, or at least, should not, and neither do Vickers and Iftikhar. These groups and their adherents oppose everything that would make America stronger, better able to wage war on terrorism, nor do they like the Patriot Act, the First Amendment or Britney Spears. But so far no one at FOX—or elsewhere for that matter—has had the temerity to ask them pointblank if they would prefer Sharia Law to the US Constitution if they had their choice.

Hate crimes…Islamophobia…the post 9/11-world…the right of return…they will talk about anything but their religion. It’s a broken record. It was boring the day after 9/11.

Couldn’t FOX find somebody else? Why the same old tired stonewalling faces? Why is it always a member or an ex-member of CAIR or AMC? Why not set a picture of Mohammed in a chair across from O’Reilly or Colmes and start the questions?

What would be wrong with that? It would be blasphemy because pictures of Mohammed are not allowed? Well, they could leave the picture blank or paint a number on it. How about eight?  That’s a good number. Or how about one of the Jyllands-Posten cartoons? Artistic representations are not pictures—they are figments of someone’s imagination—like a crucifix suspended in a jar of urine. They’re great icebreakers. It would make for a lively debate. They could try it on Sixty Minutes and then Vickers and Iftikhar could show everyone what they really think of democracy and the US Constitution.

Spider-Man? Are they kidding? Anybody who has read Calvin and Hobbes or has figured out that Clark Kent is Superman knows it will take more than a comic strip character to save the reputation of the United Nations. When Chicago was in trouble during Prohibition they didn’t call on Dick Tracy. No, sir! With guys like Greasy Thumb Guzik and Hinky-Dink Kenna counting up the loot they did the smart thing, they brought in the Feds—Eliot Ness, the IRS, and they elected Roosevelt president. When the Apaches were running riot in New Mexico and the Territorial Governor’s image was going down the medicine well he sent for General George Crook. Sure, he could have done the hip thing and called on Hondo or the Lone Ranger but he had a real problem on his hands.

Gangsters, con men, wild Indians—it takes a certain touch. Now if the problem were Goons it would be okay to call in someone like Popeye who had a long history of dealing successfully with that particular type of miscreant. But there would always be the chance that Popeye, unlike Spider-Man, might confuse some of the goons in the UN with comic strip goons, a not uncommon mistake in some circles.

Besides—why would anybody want to save the United Nations? There are more mass murderers, child molesters, racketeers, slave masters and drug dealers in the UN than there are in the Mafia. There are more psychopaths, little Eichmanns and Hannibal Lecter wannabes in the UN than in Dr. Frankenstein’s waiting room. There are more leeches in the UN than there are in the Okefenokees.  Dracula would have been comfortable in the UN.  Hitler and Stalin would have been welcome. There are more dictators in the UN than there were countries in the League of Nations. It will take more than Spider-Man to resuscitate the UN’s reputation. Eliot Ness, Roosevelt, George Crook, Popeye combined, working in shifts, 24-hours a day would be hard-pressed to turn things around.

Yet Spider-Man may be better than what they have. The UN is currently relying on Romuald Sciora. Romuald who? Okay, Sciora is not exactly a household word. Few people outside of France and the UN have heard of him. But he does exist. He’s spent the last four years at the UN working on The Price of Peace. It’s a two-part project; there’s a book, a documentary and a TV series called The Secretary General. The Three Stooges completed more short subjects in half the time and at a fraction of the cost. The TV series and the book were released simultaneously. The second part is a full-length documentary. Camera crews followed UN operations around the world and filmed On Blue Road. They missed the Oil-for-Food scandal and the bombing of UN Headquarters in Baghdad. Sciora has done some good work. He has the Chronicles from a Barbaric Era and The Ashes of the Phoenix to his credit but how many kids in Swaledale, Iowa, or Gunblast Texas, are going to sit still long enough to digest any significant information from On Blue Road or The Secretary General?

Swaledale, Iowa? Gunblast, Texas?  Well, sure…one wouldn’t expect the UN to aim its propaganda at a Mad-Rats-Asses school in Saudi Barbaria or at a preteen suicide bombers academy in the Gaza Strip…that would be insensitive! Besides, it is Tom and Huck the UN is after, not Abdul and Hamid. So why not hit the kids with a Spider-Man comic book? Spidey’s more popular than George W. Bush. He can do things Hulk Hogan has only dreamed of. The comic book will be distributed to thousands of schools across America. Interest in literature at PS 109 will escalate.

Kiyo Akasaka, a communications and public information executive at the UN said Spider-Man should make the UN “more accessible” to American students. “The comic book will showcase Spider-Man lending a helping hand to the United Nations,” said Akasaka. And there’s more to it than just the comic book. The gift package will include games and documents explaining the role of the United Nations. Tom and Huck “will get excited if they know their heroes like Spider-Man will work with the United Nations to address these issues…peace and security.”

Ah, yes…the issues. One must not forget the issues, especially peace and security. Cuba…Iran…Iraq…North Korea…

The UN condemned the US embargo of Cuba; the UN condemned the US embargo of Iran; the UN condemned the US embargo of Iraq. They are forever condemning the US. They condemned the US for tolerating tourist traps. That’s right…amusement parks, wonder caverns and mystery spots. Mystery Spots? Yes, mystery spots! They condemned Camp X-Ray and they have condemned counter-terrorism. They have not condemned Hamas or Hezballah. Will they be smart enough to stay out of Little Havana in South Florida where Castro is a worse villain than Ahmadinejad?

It is estimated the comic book will reach more than a million American school kids. Eventually it will be translated into other languages and will be broadcast around the known world—so they say. But don’t bet on it. The comic has one target—the USA! Accept perhaps for Israel, no country in the world has as low an opinion of the UN as America. And there are plenty of reasons for the negativity aside from the UN’s anti-American bias. The UN wastes too much money—much of it American. They are Woody Allen ineffective. They failed to prevent massacres in Rwanda, Sudan and Darfur. They failed to keep nuclear weapons out of the hands of North Korea and Pakistan .Too many UN members have shown little or no respect for freedom of speech, freedom of the press or the right to bear arms. UN officials are not elected, they are appointed, as often as not, by the kind of men Spider-Man has spent his life bringing to justice.

The comic book is an attempt by the UN’s hierarchy to bring the US back into ‘its’ proper orbit within the world body’s deteriorating constellation. The moral authority once wielded by the UN has disappeared into a rhetorical cesspool. The US should go its own way. There’s a Brave New Universe out there and it doesn’t include Darth Vader clones. If the intention of the world’s premier bureaucracy is to “sensitize youth’—as they claim—they would have started with Hamas’ homicidal brats and King Bubba-dullah’s whiney Qur’an-thumpers, not with Tom and Huck, then maybe, just maybe, “This comic book,” as Akasaka said, “will undoubtedly contribute to helping young people gain a better understanding of our world.”

Our world? Yes, our world. And that, as Abe Lincoln used to say, “is the rub.” Is it Our World or is it the UN’s World?  If it’s the latter, run—run for your life!

Spider-Man? Are they kidding? Anybody who has read Calvin and Hobbes or has figured out that Clark Kent is Superman knows it will take more than a comic strip character to save the reputation of the United Nations. When Chicago was in trouble during Prohibition they didn’t call on Dick Tracy. No, sir! With guys like Greasy Thumb Guzik and Hinky-Dink Kenna counting up the loot they did the smart thing, they brought in the Feds—Eliot Ness, the IRS, and they elected Roosevelt president. When the Apaches were running riot in New Mexico and the Territorial Governor’s image was going down the medicine well he sent for General George Crook. Sure, he could have done the hip thing and called on Hondo or the Lone Ranger but he had a real problem on his hands.

Gangsters, con men, wild Indians—it takes a certain touch. Now if the problem were Goons it would be okay to call in someone like Popeye who had a long history of dealing successfully with that particular type of miscreant. But there would always be the chance that Popeye, unlike Spider-Man, might confuse some of the goons in the UN with comic strip goons, a not uncommon mistake in some circles.

Besides—why would anybody want to save the United Nations? There are more mass murderers, child molesters, racketeers, slave masters and drug dealers in the UN than there are in the Mafia. There are more psychopaths, little Eichmanns and Hannibal Lecter wannabes in the UN than in Dr. Frankenstein’s waiting room. There are more leeches in the UN than there are in the Okefenokees.  Dracula would have been comfortable in the UN.  Hitler and Stalin would have been welcome. There are more dictators in the UN than there were countries in the League of Nations. It will take more than Spider-Man to resuscitate the UN’s reputation. Eliot Ness, Roosevelt, George Crook, Popeye combined, working in shifts, 24-hours a day would be hard-pressed to turn things around.

Yet Spider-Man may be better than what they have. The UN is currently relying on Romuald Sciora. Romuald who? Okay, Sciora is not exactly a household word. Few people outside of France and the UN have heard of him. But he does exist. He’s spent the last four years at the UN working on The Price of Peace. It’s a two-part project; there’s a book, a documentary and a TV series called The Secretary General. The Three Stooges completed more short subjects in half the time and at a fraction of the cost. The TV series and the book were released simultaneously. The second part is a full-length documentary. Camera crews followed UN operations around the world and filmed On Blue Road. They missed the Oil-for-Food scandal and the bombing of UN Headquarters in Baghdad. Sciora has done some good work. He has the Chronicles from a Barbaric Era and The Ashes of the Phoenix to his credit but how many kids in Swaledale, Iowa, or Gunblast Texas, are going to sit still long enough to digest any significant information from On Blue Road or The Secretary General?

Swaledale, Iowa? Gunblast, Texas?  Well, sure…one wouldn’t expect the UN to aim its propaganda at a Mad-Rats-Asses school in Saudi Barbaria or at a preteen suicide bombers academy in the Gaza Strip…that would be insensitive! Besides, it is Tom and Huck the UN is after, not Abdul and Hamid. So why not hit the kids with a Spider-Man comic book? Spidey’s more popular than George W. Bush. He can do things Hulk Hogan has only dreamed of. The comic book will be distributed to thousands of schools across America. Interest in literature at PS 109 will escalate.

Kiyo Akasaka, a communications and public information executive at the UN said Spider-Man should make the UN “more accessible” to American students. “The comic book will showcase Spider-Man lending a helping hand to the United Nations,” said Akasaka. And there’s more to it than just the comic book. The gift package will include games and documents explaining the role of the United Nations. Tom and Huck “will get excited if they know their heroes like Spider-Man will work with the United Nations to address these issues…peace and security.”

Ah, yes…the issues. One must not forget the issues, especially peace and security. Cuba…Iran…Iraq…North Korea…

The UN condemned the US embargo of Cuba; the UN condemned the US embargo of Iran; the UN condemned the US embargo of Iraq. They are forever condemning the US. They condemned the US for tolerating tourist traps. That’s right…amusement parks, wonder caverns and mystery spots. Mystery Spots? Yes, mystery spots! They condemned Camp X-Ray and they have condemned counter-terrorism. They have not condemned Hamas or Hezballah. Will they be smart enough to stay out of Little Havana in South Florida where Castro is a worse villain than Ahmadinejad?

It is estimated the comic book will reach more than a million American school kids. Eventually it will be translated into other languages and will be broadcast around the known world—so they say. But don’t bet on it. The comic has one target—the USA! Accept perhaps for Israel, no country in the world has as low an opinion of the UN as America. And there are plenty of reasons for the negativity aside from the UN’s anti-American bias. The UN wastes too much money—much of it American. They are Woody Allen ineffective. They failed to prevent massacres in Rwanda, Sudan and Darfur. They failed to keep nuclear weapons out of the hands of North Korea and Pakistan .Too many UN members have shown little or no respect for freedom of speech, freedom of the press or the right to bear arms. UN officials are not elected, they are appointed, as often as not, by the kind of men Spider-Man has spent his life bringing to justice.

The comic book is an attempt by the UN’s hierarchy to bring the US back into ‘its’ proper orbit within the world body’s deteriorating constellation. The moral authority once wielded by the UN has disappeared into a rhetorical cesspool. The US should go its own way. There’s a Brave New Universe out there and it doesn’t include Darth Vader clones. If the intention of the world’s premier bureaucracy is to “sensitize youth’—as they claim—they would have started with Hamas’ homicidal brats and King Bubba-dullah’s whiney Qur’an-thumpers, not with Tom and Huck, then maybe, just maybe, “This comic book,” as Akasaka said, “will undoubtedly contribute to helping young people gain a better understanding of our world.”

Our world? Yes, our world. And that, as Abe Lincoln used to say, “is the rub.” Is it Our World or is it the UN’s World?  If it’s the latter, run—run for your life!